Still kickin!

2 years ago today...

It was a cold, cloudy and rainy day. My morning coffee couldn't quite warm me up. Plus... I was more reluctant to drink my "Swedish Plasma" (aka coffee) because I was going to be in the car for over three hours with friends. I just didn't want to be that person. You know, that person who has to use the bathroom multiple times on what should be a quick and easy road trip. So, I held my coffee, and tried to believe that the warmer my hands got, the warmer I would feel all over.

The drive to Duluth for a math conference started out great. Six of us packed in a Ford Expedition. Windlan, Frank, Allison, Jenny, Brenda and I. It was Friday morning and we were heading to a math conference over the weekend. Brenda was beside me in the back of the SUV and we planned to shovel secret snacks into our faces all morning. She even made bacon and had it hot and ready when I got picked up. This was going to be exciting. I think we had more food than would be necessary for a week full of snacks, but if you know me... these snacks would be devoured quickly. Cause, well, bacon... And I LOVE SNACKS.

Last thing I remember from that morning was playing catch phrase in teams in the car. I was supposed to describe Leonardo da Vinci but got mixed up and had my team solve for Leonardo DiCaprio instead. I mean really?! They are totally different people from completely different generations and how did I mess that up? Still makes me smile when I think about it.

And then... all of a sudden... we were up in the air, flying out of our seats. And then fishtailing out of control.

And then... blank.

Nothing.

Blackness. No memory after this.

Until, minutes later, my eyes opened and the car was empty. The car was crushed. I was stuck. The window that used to be big beside me was gone and crushed to a quarter of its size. Glass was everywhere. I realized I wasn't alone. Brenda was still beside me. We were stuck. She wasn't moving or making any noise. Was Brenda dead? I dared not look to my left. I was sure she was dead. I couldn’t look.

I heard Frank outside saying "Smoke! I see smoke, we have to get them out."

And then... PANIC. Like unbelievable, adrenaline pumping, flight or fight mode panic consumed me. I HAD to get out of this car. But the roof was smashed so low in front of me that I couldn’t get from the back row over the middle seat. I couldn't fit. The opening was just too small for me to fit through. I tried twice I think and couldn't move through the small hole. At this point I realized my seat belt was still on, obviously hindering me from getting out, I scrambled to get it off. Panic made my fine motor skills suck. My fingers just wouldn’t work right and they shook uncontrollably. Ahhh. I am scrambling to get out at this point. I finally get the seatbelt off, and decide that no matter what it takes, I will get through that small opening. With all my might, I force my way through.

The driver door is open. I can get out from there. I can be free of this crumpled car. I scramble over the middle console, use the steering wheel to get a grip and pull my legs onto the front seat. Jenny is there now; she helps me out. I’m out. I’m free.

I’m out.

I’m free.

2 years ago today I walked away from a terrible car accident. Look at the picture. A miracle that I walked away. There is no third row. The back is completely crushed. Figured I had to have some bumps and bruises, broken bone or two… but you guys, I walked out of there. Unbelievable.

This day marks a miracle in my life that is still happening. I survived. This day is so so special to me now because of how far I have come. I have made so much progress. My broken back has healed (thank the Lord I am out of that turtle shell)! My lung contusion is healed and I can breathe easy again. My PTSD is getting better and I can travel in the car without so much anxiety now. And last but definitely not the least of my troubles, my traumatic brain injury is healing. Slowly, but surely, I am getting closer to my old self again. I realize now that my brain will always be different. I will process slower and have issues with speech from time to time, but I am still kickin.

Lastly…

The verse today is special to me. I describes exactly how I feel. The Lord has heard my prayers. The prayers for the pain in the middle of the night. The prayers for the nightmares reliving the crash. The prayers every time I had to get in a vehicle. The prayers to help with the vertigo. The prayers for the burden I would be to my husband and family. AND, the prayers when I thought my brain would be broken forever.

God has heard those prayers. God has answered many of those prayers.

Happy May 1, 2017, to you.

Love,

Rach