May 1 and a "new" life

These pictures haunted me for a very long time. I hope that writing this blog will help me work through some of the fears that I have had for a while now. One major fear for me has been to look at these pictures. I am finally able to do it now, 7 and 1/2 months later. My head begins to hurt as I look, but I can finally look. Makes me tear up... Not because of pain, but because I truly believe I am blessed to be alive.

An amazing counselor that I have through Courage Kenny Rehabilitation Institute recommended that I start this blog. I thought it would be fitting for one of my first few blog posts to be about the day that changed my life.

The day my life changed was around 8 am on Friday, May 1, 2015.

In the picture below, I was sitting where the roof is crumpled. You can see the tire is gone... this is what caused the accident. The tire came off as 5 teachers and I were traveling 70-75 mph headed to a math conference on 35 W heading north to Duluth. The driver, Windlan, did the very best he could, but traveling that fast with no tire... well... wasn't going to end up good no matter what. We rolled over 4 times (I think that's right) and ended upright in the ditch you see here. I don't remember any of the accident now, but my husband said while in the hospital (on pain meds) I could remember the whole thing. As of now, I only remember moments before the tire popped, and I remember waking up to an empty car except for Brenda and I stuck in the back. I believed her to be dead beside me. Frank, my coworker, was outside yelling that he saw smoke and that they needed to get Brenda and I out of the car. I consider it a blessing from above that I cannot remember any of the crash any more.

On the evening before, I packed the pink bag that can be seen at the bottom of the picture below. As I packed, I envisioned a really fun weekend with 6 of my coworkers from Eden Prairie High School. Windlan, Frank, Jenny, Allison, Brenda, Mark and I were all excited for a weekend of math fun. What is really interesting is that I almost wasn't going to be in that vehicle... One of my coworkers, Mark, had a change of plans and needed to drive separate from the rest of us. He asked me if I wanted to go along with him later in the morning. I almost said yes... but for some reason, I didn't. I am not exactly sure why, but I believe God had a reason for me to be in the back of the vehicle you see in these pictures.

I am 5 foot, 3 inches tall. I tell you this because knowing that I am short will help you understand. My coworkers and I all agreed that I should sit in the back because I am the shortest. Brenda, another coworker, decided we would share the seat in the back and the plan was to have secret snacks. Oh yes. Secret snacks that only we would share on the 3 hour drive to Duluth. I am a sucker for snacks, so obviously this seemed like an AMAZING idea. Plus, I mean how can you say no to bacon and secret snacks on an early morning road trip to a math conference?! I couldn't. So it was decided that in the back we would sit together.

Just after my coworkers picked Jenny and I up at my house, I remember Allison talking about her hubby telling her to wear her seatbelt. Everyone, including her, had their seatbelt on except for me. I distinctly remember thinking, I am in the back, I don't need to wear a seatbelt! Nah. And, as odd as this may sound, I heard in my head a voice telling me to put my seatbelt on. I thought, no. No way. I don't want to wear a seatbelt. But then there it was, there was that voice again... Rachel, put on your seatbelt it said. So, very reluctantly, I did. Looking back, I know the Lord was looking out for me here. It was not once, but twice, I heard to put on my seatbelt. I cannot explain this, but I can tell you, this was a gift of grace from the Lord.

You may find this interesting too... months after the crash I talked to Brenda and she had a similar experience. She told me that she almost switched seats to not be in the back anymore, but recalls hearing a voice telling her that she should remain in the back seat with me. How crazy is that?! God was speaking to the both of us here, I am confident of that. If interested, you can keep up with Brenda and her recovery on her caring bridge site. She and I both broke the T12 vertebrae, but she also broke L1, L2. She and I both have a TBI (traumatic brain injury), however, Brenda injured the brain stem. If you feel so inclined please pray for her recovery as well. Through this accident we have become the better friends than I could have imagined. We are closer in our friendship as well as our faith. Her caring bridge can be found here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/brendamjohnson

So many things here were scary and completely terrifying for me on that morning. However... there was a LOT of good that came of this. I really believed that I was going to die that day, and I believe because of this, I have had a renewed purpose for my life. As soon as I was out of that vehicle laying on the side of the road, all I could do was pray. I prayed for the Lord to let me live. I prayed that He would let me see my family one more time before the end. I prayed he would save Brenda, who I thought was dead. I prayed that everyone in that car would get the help they needed to be ok. Selfishly I prayed to stay. God answered my prayers. Brenda is alive, I am alive.

This accident could have easily turned me into a sad, moping, angry person. But NO. I refuse to let that happen. God gave me a second chance at life. I didn't die. Don't misunderstand. I do have bad days, but the truth is God answered my prayers. I got to see my husband, family, and friends for another day. I got to share my faith with my friends, my doctors, rehab therapists, and many more.

Looking at these pictures, how did Brenda and I survive? How did 4 others walk away? Well, we all survived because we were blessed by the creator of the universe. Having a brain injury is no fun, but I am alive. I can walk, talk, and even do a little art! This accident has made me reevaluate what is truly important in my life.

There are only a two days left of 2015. Many of you, my awesome readers, will have New Years resolutions. I want to challenge you to think about what is truly important and use this next year to focus on that. It is so easy to be negative and let things get us down. But, how about we try to use those things that should have taken us down to make us stronger, wiser, more resiliant than ever. Hey, I am not perfect. Like you, I have good days and bad days. But - let's work together at making this next year a year that is kind, caring, and loving towards one another. God calls us to love one another. John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

This is what I want my "new" self to be. Loving, caring for others, and patient. I want this new me to take life slower (this is the easy part because I fatigue easily). When things get tough, I will purpose to do the best I can.

Most importantly, believe me, I will need help. Where will I get this help? I am so glad you asked. I will seek the Lord to make every minute on this earth count for something greater.

I will leave you with this verse. Many nights have I feared this accident and what I went through. In my dreams have I relived it a number of times. This verse got me through many of those nights. Now, instead of being afraid, I pray. This will continue into the new year.

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."